Flightplan                                                January 2009                                                 Page 2

Making you smile ...

These are real quotes from people you know of. The answers are below:


  1. "Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself, 'Lillian, you should have remained a virgin.'" ...


  2. "I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered.   But I was not pleased to read the description of the rose in the catalog: - 'No good in a bed, but fine against a wall.'"


  3. "Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement."


  4. "The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible."


  5. "Santa Claus has the right idea ...   Visit people only once a year."


  6. "Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint."


  7. "By all means, marry!   If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher."


  8. "I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury."


  9. "My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe."


  10. "I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back."


  11. "Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat."


  12. "My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying."


  13. "Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was SHUT UP."


  14. "I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it."


  15. "We could certainly slow the aging process down a lot if it had to work its way through Congress."


  16. "Don't worry about avoiding temptation...   As you grow older, it will avoid you."


  17. "Maybe it's true that life does begin at fifty ...   But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out."


  18. "By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere."




The Answers ...
    1. Lillian Carter (mother of President Jimmy Carter)


    2. Eleanor Roosevelt


    3. Mark Twain


    4. George Burns


    5. Victor Borge


    6. Mark Twain


    7. Socrates


    8. Groucho Marx


    9. Jimmy Durante


    10. Zsa Zsa Gabor


    11. Alex Levine


    12. Rodney Dangerfield


    13. Joe Namath


    14. W. C. Fields


    15. Will Rogers


    16. Winston Churchill


    17. Phyllis Diller


    18. Billy Crystal


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